Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in ladysian's LiveJournal:

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007
9:43 pm	WGW!!! (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
10:30 am	ok peeps here is a VERY important question... what do you think of my wedding dress? for those of you who don't know Ian and I have decided that we have no choice but to postpone the wedding as we can't afford it, after everything that has happened it has completely screwed our money situation.  so we're really sorry.  for more info give me an email and i'll let you know love and hugs always Current Mood: heartbroken Current Music: none the tv's on (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
2:30 pm	is this right my friends? Current Mood: tired Current Music: none (Comment on this)
Friday, May 25th, 2007
12:04 am	uuuurrrrrrrgggggghhhhhh god i'm ill, as you can all tell from my last posts i'm under a bit of stress and have 2 house guests and between that and not sleeping properly has set off my stomach ulcer and it hurts and makes me feel sick 24/7  it's also causing cystitis which is making my kidneys ache and to be honest i've had enough and i just want to hibernate until i feel better but i can't because people need me to be here and be ok and strong for them - and i don't mind that i just wish i didn't feel so sick at the same time. well i guess i'm done whining, sorry for dumping on you all Current Mood: crappy (Comment on this)
Monday, April 23rd, 2007
10:31 pm	still totally fucked up Well as you may have read in my last post my stress level is high and my life will never be the same again. At the moment my friend is staying with me and my hubby and seems to be ok - although she went through a really bad night after the funeral (as was to be expected). Here's the story - all of her so-called friends (and i use that term rather loosely) were fighting over her and where she would stay that night in the pub, at throwing out time they went to one girls house, when they got back to the house they carried on arguing while she went upstairs and cut the hell out of her arms with a razor blade (she was a reformed self-harmer who had quit) and no-one noticed she was gone til she screamed. Then the fight got physical - you'd think the cutting would have brought them to their senses but no - they carried on having it out like it would bring them glory or something, in the meantime my friend called me and i asked her if she wanted to come here or if she wanted to go to her mums we would give her taxi fare. She decided she wanted to stay here because i guess she felt safe here and she knew we wouldn't give her a hard time or judge her - we're too laid back for that - that we would just look after her and be there if she needed us - but that started the problem all over again - they didn't want her to leave, they especially didn't want her to come here - i have no idea why - so she told them she was coming here to get taxi fare to go to her mums - it was the only way they would let her leave - and she's been here every since. I'm really touched that she felt she could come here and chill out and relax and get herself together and she's welcome to stay as long as she needs, we kinda like having someone else in the house, but i'm really worried that i'm not doing enough to help her - i let her know i'm here for her 24/7 and that anything she needs she only needs to say - but i don't think it's enough, yet i don't know what else i could do. As before any suggestions would be greatfully received Thanks Loads Sian (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 9th, 2007
6:20 am	GOD THIS IS SO FUCKED UP!!!!! Where do i start? I'm in pieces, one of my really close friends is even worse - she's leaning on me and I want to be there for her but I'm cracking under the strain, and ALL my other friends are in shock. What could be so bad that it would affect every person I know? I'll tell you As you all know I'm about to get married but a few years back I was with someone else, I lived with him for 4 years and even when we split up I looked after him, washed his clothes, made sure he had something to eat when he ran out of food, got him a flat and paid to furnish it, and we stayed good mates - he became friends with my hubby and it was good, he started seeing one of my mates just after xmas and I was happy for them - they were happy and I thought they might be the right ones for each other. Then Thursday happened.... They had a row in the pub - a real stinker - and then they both had rows with their mates - but by the time they got home they had made up and everything was ok - or so it seemed. At 5 am on friday morning I sat bolt upright in bed knowing something was wrong - I couldn't go back to sleep, so I played on the xbox360 in the bedroom while Ian slept, but I couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong (turns out about a dozen of my good mates all had exactly the same thing at the same time - we all just found something to do because we couldn't go back to sleep because something was bothering us). At about 12.30 I got a phone call which Ian answered then he came into the bedroom (I was still playing my game) and said "I have to tell you something" and took hold of both my hands - I thought he was gonna tell me my nan had died but I was wrong. My exboyfriend Andy had gotten out of bed at about 4.30-5am put his clothes on and hung himself on the back of his girlfriends bedroom door. Linzi is on meds that when mixed with alcohol sedate her to a very high degree and that is why she didn't wake up and save him - she couldn't, she woke up and had to move his body to get out of the flat and now she is starting to fall apart and I don't know what to do to help her - I wanna take her pain but I can't - I just don't know how to help her. So to give the short version - my 30 year-old exboyfriend has taken his own life and ruined the life of my 20 year-old friend - and we believe it was an accident - that he thought she'd save him. The final kicker for Linzi? when they were rowing in the pub she shouted at him "why don't you just go hang yourself?" and she's gonna have to live with that for the rest of her life. If anyone knows a way I can help her please let me know As always I love you all - thank you for letting me vent at you Love LadySian Mood:ANGRY,NUMB,SICK,STRESSED,SHOCKED Music:NONE (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, November 26th, 2005
2:02 pm	i really am quite lucky..... i had a lovely evening last night with a man i... care deeply for - we ate, drank wine, watched a few DVD's then went to bed and "cuddled up" before going to sleep. it was one of those nights i think everyone enjoys deep down - just relaxing and being friendly and companionable with each other - with the odd little caress while the movies were on - there was no stress or hurry, no huge expectations, just deep friendship (ok and lots of attraction to him on my part but i have no idea if he felt that way too - but even that was relaxed and non-urgent) and the pleasure of having company who understands you so well you don't NEED to talk all the time. i know that this "relationship" will never go as far as i would hope - but we will always be close friends because we get on so well (mostly) and to be honest - I'M OK WITH THAT - friendship is only the same relationship without sex - which although it is both very nice and very good - i can live without (so long as it doesn't stop for a long time yet) because his friendship means so much to me so long as i still have my friend i'll be happy as well as this i have Ian who worships the ground i walk on - i really am lucky to have the support and love of these two men (and yes friendship is love - not that i would ever say it to my friend while he's still awake) i'm truely blessed i love you both in diffrent ways guys and you both mean the world to me in your seperate ways - you can both always count on me... kisses and big hugs Sian Current Mood: sleepy - happy - mostly satisf Current Music: metallica w/orchestra (Comment on this)
Friday, November 25th, 2005
1:07 am	ok - shocked after seeing a friend had done this quiz i thought why not? - this is why not.... Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage You've dated enough to know what you want. And that's marriage - with the right person. You're serious about settling down some time soon. Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to! What's Your Ideal Relationship? talk about not what i expected.... Current Mood: surprised (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 15th, 2005
3:02 pm	shit happens - thank god for friends i've been stressed the past few days - being having personal shit that was making me ill. and i was here thinking that i was alone and had no-one to really talk to about stuff so serious - then i was proved wrong... first there came Ian, fair enough what was wrong was partly down to my relationship with him and he didn't take what was said between us as well as i would have wanted but i guess there had to be something we disagreed on eventually but still he was there for me and was really supportive once he got over the shock. then gareth came on-line and asked what was up - i felt a bit strange telling him a problem and row i had with one of my other guys but he was really nice to me about it - he proved that when our kinky fun together ends we'll always stay close friends - and that is all i could ever ask for from such a great guy as him. and finally a really good friend - and yes it is just friends - i've made through another site asked what was up i won't name him 'cause he's got a partner and i'd hate for them to get the wrong idea but he knows who he is and all i can say is - THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY RANTING - he stayed up til some ungodly hour of the morning talking to me and trying to help me - even though he had to be out of bed early in the morning (if you get my meaning) so anyway i've said it before and i shall say it again - us goths are so lucky to have a community where once you make a friend they are always there for you - even at 3 in the morning if you need them to be - we are so loyal and close-knit because we are the outcasts - well in that case i'm glad to be an outcast of society - i'm the lucky one to have friends like all of you... (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 12th, 2005
2:13 am	getting really confused... so anyway there's this guy i'm sort of seeing - well sleeping with and sometimes drinking with anyway, and we get on really well as mates (or i think we do anyway) and i like his company (and the sex) and i'm happy with things as they are - he has other lady-friends and i have other guys - it's just ...well, casual fun for want of a better description - and i know it's not going to ever be more than that (yes in my heart i probably hope it could be but i also KNOW it won't be)and then when i'm finally happy it all turns to shit - why? you ask - easy - HIS EGO so i made the mistake of telling him i'm fond of him - not I LOVE YOU or anything scary like that just - i like spending time with you i have fun when we're together.... (meanin i like the sex and the caresses and definitely the kisses he gives) and he goes nuclear (well as close as he gets to that anyway) tells me all this about how he doesn't like me, he HAS been avoiding me (at least he admits that) and that i "freaked him out"??? by saying i liked his company - which was meant as a complement NOT a proposal of marriage or anything and to be honest rather upset me with the other things he said in his email. so then he completely changes the subject half way through and starts going on about going shopping and books and psychic vampires like everything is normal and what he had said for the other half of the page was in no way harsh or hurtful - which it was because of the tone it was written in and to be honest really upset me because i just wanted him to know that i did like having fun with him, nothing more was meant to be implied or hinted at just that i'd had a good time with him so far, i'd like to keep having fun with him and that when the sex stops i hope we could stay as very close friends because i have (or rather had til now) a very high opinion of him and i'd like a really good friend i can trust - i don't have very many at all but i guess it's up to him now.... but it seems that the moment a girl gives a guy a complement in their minds it means she's choosing colour schemes for his house, baby names and choosing a ring - so they run off like scalded dogs - and thats not fair - some of us just like to say nice things to people we like - we want to make them feel as good as being around them makes us feel and even saying the big nasty "love you" thing doesn't mean we love you with our heart and soul forever and ever it can just be friend love or fondness love or even just great sex love so maybe men should think about that before getting all yellow and running off - so many of you must have lost really good friends through that misunderstanding - to be honest the only time a guy should worry is when we look deep into his eyes, take hold of his hands and say i really do love you you know? then you can run off screaming - but not before well anyway thats my rant for tonight i'm now going to post it to the guy in question and hope he understands what i mean - but i doubt it guys never seem to understand me even when i'm being really blunt - i think the balls must stop thier brains from working anyway thats it so til later.... (Comment on this)
Friday, November 11th, 2005
10:16 am	finding my feet... been a long time since i had a diary...so finding this a bit hard if you know me add me to your friends list and i'll say hi, if not talk to me and i may add you if i like you.... anyway wants some pictures so i'll have to find some... Current Mood: horny Current Music: none too early (2 Comments |Comment on this)